i should have known better

寂寞，好了

拼命的奢望
闷坏的胸口
让我想大声的呐喊
我努力不放
你冷淡 你让分手
就这样
我连做梦也感觉受伤
一年过了 还是一天
计算着慌张
计程车上的音响
我们最爱的情歌
这一刻却重重击破思念的 心脏
夜深了我怎么办
寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂
想她 念她 恨她
一个人你害怕吗
细数过漫天星光
说好永远不分开
多假 多假 多假
让记忆长出翅膀 飞翔
心放空了 寂寞 好了
坚强外表下
我脆弱 情人节开始失常
别人庆祝 我却很失落
秋天过了
冬天漫长
关于爱 感伤
我们天真的勇敢
我们追求的梦想
舍不得也只能收藏旅行的时光
寂寞感冒全都可以好的
爱多甜 伤多痛
都释放
没有你 心放空了 寂寞 好了

is this dependence or love?how can i be happy only when we meet? how long can i continue lying to myself that i'll be ok when youre not around and i have nothing to do? is it the growing loneliness that makes it more difficult to be independent? i thought we would be stronger, i should have known better than to leave myself undone like this. i could have occupied myself with so many other things, and yet i allow myself to be trapped within the doors of nothingness. so naive of me to think that finally we can have a break. we'll never have one. i told we would and yet everything else will weigh above me, how true it is. we have to admit to this very fact and yet the way its displayed so explicitly, oh how that hurts. i thought we would stop fighting, i should have known the sweetness in those lips were temporal relief of the pain. now back at reality i find myself feeling ashamed of my emotions once again.... if i were to turn bitter and take my revenge... i dont think i will anyway. i cant bring myself to do so, i cant. he said im too good, i dont know. i really dont know. this piece of shit from myself, i cant even handle. but tell me when can we escape without thinking of what we have to do yet? obviously you cant, not till your project's done, but the enitre hols will be gone by then. dumb ass shit of me to think ytd was liberation for you... naive naive stupid and dumb.. i should have known...

just two sad souls comforting each other

make a wink, a glance or a stare
we both have things on our minds
the other one
the entire atmosphere, wrapped in sorrow and despair
the silence, an apparent facet of what we really feel deep within
we smiled, but we both know we're not ok
yes today is a bad day
but we'll speak nonetheless, talking of societal pressure and all
i stopped comforting, i need to comfort myself first

a beautiful picture that both of us has painted
that we did a good job
none saw through the facade,
deep within, something's wrong, something's changed
i want to figure that out too
i cant, i dont know how
why i asked myself why
the honeymoon that seemed like yesterday now feels like a fairytale
why is that so
why has everything became so bitter
time never gave us a leeway
so has emotions and tempers
was it the weather getting into us
was it just all because my mind's a blank and with nothing to occupy it with
that emptiness, i feel, i guess its beyond the nothingness
its the sense of lethargy that sets in
asked me to trust you, to wait again
what else can i say?
a nod, a 'yes'...
i dont know how, what else
am i being way too sensitive? too insecure?
but have both of us done our best?
is there even a platform for me to voice my frustrations right now?
everything has been taken so personally, everyone gets ever so sensitive
i guess im giving it up,
giving the venting of my frustrations out up
they said, whats there to be upset about?
yes whats there?
pinpointing at every single event, nothing
theyre all minor
the accumulation, im tired of it already
the pile-up, its way too much
yes we've been through it all,but now, i dont know if i can brace myself for more
im sick and tired of apologies,
but they just keep happening
its disappointing
i guess too err, to commit a mistake, is a very humane thing
but its the frequency, the accumulation
just... everything
too much to bear right now, way too much...
i dont know what i may say
maybe i should just leave myself alone
im too tired to even tear now...
i dont know...

im finally 18

little kiddy turns 18, said her prince that all the time and effort used was in exchange for her beautiful smile
before extending my thanks, i have to really admit it was a good 3 days of tearing and a hell of an emotional ride
and many of the rush here and there to settle this and that
buti can say i really enjoyed it
lets go to the BEST list

• BEST CAKE!(picked and carefully designed by mr melvin low)
• BESTIES(my sweet darlings who took the time off to come and celebrate my birthday with me:ahma,manda,hong,patrick,jr,junlong,huat,junwei,eddie,carol,max,isabelle,emmaline,yiyi,yi zang,leonard,leroy,uncle,auntie,wanying,andy,xiaoshen,xiaoshu)
• BEST COOK(ah huat who made the best chicken wings)
• BEST DRINKING SESSION(first ever in my life, one that made me go gaga but hey i wasnt drunk)
• BEST CONSULTING SESSIONS(one to one talks and all the advices)
• BEST INVENTIONS(honey prawns and honey chicken wing:D)
• last but not least BEST BOYFRIEND(my ultimate birthday planner, the man who did all the shit in gettting my friends, the cake, the chalet, the food, the car, the number one entertainer,best shoulder when i was upset, the man who had to celebrate with me and juggle with his school work and tests,best bolster who made me sleep well when dommy's not around)

this 18, i've learnt, i've cried,i've listened,i've drank,i've played,i've loved,i've adviced,i've had fun.

kept on doing it

i know its my bad,
my emotions again
those damn things
but frustration is something so inevitable in situations like this
times that i have nothing to occupy my mind, i have to think of stuff
good point to note there that im not supposed to be left alone
good to realise that i do not like to be left in suspense for too long
yes difficult i am
unreasonable i shall be,
i know its all terrible but i just want you to accept my apology
its bad i know
all this shit you have to tolerate
but hey, i tolerated your shit too..
we all have bullshit in us
so tolerate, forgive, understand
coz thats wad i did

they kept on doing it, like we're not meant to be
these signs and signals, im just afraid i'll yield to them soon
i refuse to
i hate to lose, but it seems to be a losing battle already.
can we ever get through all this shit?

geek in the PINK

i know there are times that we fight over the littlest things ever
but look it aint that bad sometimes
i know there are times that i would sulk
but boy i love you nonetheless
its times like this that we fight and we make up that i cant help but think we're super cute
but its also times like this that we wonder whats wrong whats between us right now
now that time is ticking as it goes, we get stronger yet the fear of separation gets even stronger too
i realised, i really like to just lie down and stare at the ceiling with you
i discovered, i really like visiting commonplaces and feel like growing old with you
im obsessed with that smell i alreadly familiarised with by now
yet each time i take a whiff of it, i go gaga
this is it my boy
i guess this is it
time to really plunge into every single thing now
i wan us to stop just stop quarrelling about the mundane
today as we go all melancholic bout 2012 and stuff,
the more we feel the urge to keep this love going as strong as possible
we said, after the 6 weeks of gruelling wait, we'll conquer everything thats in our way
so let not these things get into the great path we have
i wanna just make this work
i wanna just see myself get old with this you geek in the PINK:D

you looked really hot today:D

boring

IM BORED SO BORED SO FREAKING BORED
omg...
i shopped for 2 days, my legs are giving way
but rotting in front of the com right now sucks too):
me dun like to wait
me dont like to have nothing to do ):):
arghh shud start mugging tml haah im a bloody mugger












so long since we met this sucks

random thoughts for the start of liberation

oh gosh i found this video
this is such a bad starting for a post but heck it anyway...
good old days can never be introduced properly
hah see yes my good old days, crazy ctazy and crazy
love yall 4cr, thats 2 years ago, feels like forever gosh im old
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4G2Y7B8Jw
7 minutes just to show how i was pretty much absent in this very courageous community of ours):
but i do miss those days of toilet runways and emo-femo by the lake
oh gosh, feel so old now

anyway i started this 10 days break with the end of the world
such a good film that put me into tears for like 4 times?
so mind-probing, i cant get it off my head now
i wanna i wanna i wanna tell evryone to watch it seriously
even if the producers are earning hell lot of money out of this, they deserve it,
and you all deserve to watch the show
im serious
go book ticks for the next slot NOW

shall really start blogging soon, or consider journalling since i do more of writing then typing recently:X
lalal so excited for shopping tml:D:D